Recently I was hanging out with an old friend. He said that I was the most honest girl he had ever met. I sat stunned for a moment thinking about that statement. I used to not be an honest person…
Let me explain. Honest in the, did you eat cereal today? Yes. But I lacked a language to my emotions and thoughts.
I think that one of the greatest journeys we can ever brave is self-discovery. Not really speaking in the, I like ice cream but not chocolate ice cream type of way. But more so in the, why do I do the things I do type of way. Good bad and ugly. I wasn’t truthful with myself about my choices, my habits, and myself.
I remember a period of time in college where I was seeing a guy that I couldn’t stand. Everything down to the way he breathed bothered me, and most of all he wasn’t kind to me. Why was I doing this? “Why not” I would reply to the conversation circling my head.
But if I sat and thought about it for too long deep down I knew. The patting of my ego, free dinner, emotional attention, physical attention, the list goes on.
Rehearsing that memory is something I am not proud of. But that is what honesty is...looking at the not so great parts and naming them, discovering the why behind the what.