/The how/ to who I am now

(June 21st, 2016)


It started with too much coffee.  Too much caffeine lead to the comment, “We have heard enough of your voice today” given by the two darlings I nanny.  Which lead to the slow and very incomplete rearrangement of the items in my room. There is just something that is found when your perspective is changed, even if it is ever so slightly.

I got wine drunk last night, for the first time in a long time and it felt like listening to an old but favorite song.  I reached out, grasp desperately at those whose voice I admire.  I talked to discover, to unearth.

Somewhere in between last night and this morning I fell in love with the how.  The process that has molded and pushed me into the now. 

Everything that I have experienced in love, about love, unloved, has created the emotion I now know intimately.  It has shaped me in ways that cannot be undone, ways that have fortified my soul, ways that have taught me how to be sensitive to hurt, and bold when creating boundaries for myself. 

I believe intellectual connection in a relationship to be rare, and precious, elusive, and lovely.  That exciting someone’s mind is a gift that not all are fortunate enough to give or receive. That it is easy to view your mind as special and denying someone’s involvement in it because…"enter excuse"… displays fear not greatness.

I am mostly talking to myself but if you have found a soul that honors and cultivates your mind, that is an unspeakable treasure indeed.