2017 has by far been the most destructive learning experience of my entire life. I’ve had mental breakdowns and felt rock bottom before, but nothing in comparison to these past 12 months. I feel like I’m clawing my way out of my own life, gasping for clean air through the fire I let engulf me.
I think that guilt holds the worst kind of destructive behavior. I’ve made mistakes, I know I have, and it’s left me feeble and broken. I finally realize the absolute deterioration I let myself endure because I didn’t feel like I could be anything more than the hurt I inflicted.
It’s been a long, hard battle—one that I’m only beginning to fight. And I know I’m going to struggle to hold onto the grit when it gets tough again, but it can be done. It has to be done or I’ll spend my years living in mediocrity and looking back on my younger years wishing I did something with them.
I’ve been combing the internet for inspiration and have stumbled upon so many amazing individuals, some I know and some I don’t. I’m finally open to absorbing this life and I feel like I’m seeing clearly for the first time in a year. It’s empowering and motivating and I’m excited for what’s to come.
We all have regrets and we all want to let go of our past and “start fresh.” 2018 is my year. How many times I’ve heard that. And sometimes it’s easy to scoff at the positivity of something that feels so far away and unattainable. It’s only unattainable if we don’t strive for it, reach for it, run through walls for it, bleed for it. Stand up. Put one foot in front of the other and embrace the work it's going to take to make this life a great one.